Good drinks with good friends make for great times — until the next morning. Then, it's welcome to Hangoverville, population: your sorry ass. Cottonmouth. Queasiness. Cold sweats that could rival any Bemidji January. Waking up next to someone you don't remember meeting, let alone bringing home. A headache so legendary, even Paul Bunyan is thinking, “Damn, that's rough.”
Whether you were going stupid hard on Bar 209's handcrafted signature drinks, or — God help you — throwing back too many watered-down $1 margs at a cheesy chain restaurant, you want to feel better now. So, before you swear off drinking forever (again), let's talk about how to get you out of this hot mess fast.
What really got ya here is too much alcohol without enough hydration to balance it out (because ice cubes in your drink don't really count). Scientifically, alcohol is a diuretic that stimulates the kidneys to produce more. That's a fancy way of saying it makes ya pee. Like, in the bathroom every 10 minutes after you break the seal. More pee equals less bodily water equals dehydration, which is part of why your body hates you right now.
While you're likely dehydrated af, your body may also be dealing with inflammation due to a disrupted immune system, which partly explains that pounding headache. Then there's this little thing called acetaldehyde buildup that's basically your body turning alcohol into straight-up toxins. And that's on top of blood sugar levels lower than the amount of alcohol Applebee's actually puts in a drink.
It all adds up to feeling like shit and lying in bed with one foot on the floor to keep the room from spinning while you start searching for how to cure a hangover quick. So, let's look at what can actually help fast.
Time to get vertical again with some tested ways to get your body back on track.
There's a reason this is a cliche: it works. Now, we're not saying to start the party all over again. We're talking taking the edge off with a signature Bar 209 cocktail that makes it count, like:
For the love of all that's holy, steer clear of “handcrafted cocktails” that come from a box in the box restaurants. Get quality hair from a quality dog, not colored corn syrup with an eye-dropper full of alcohol that'll give ya the ick. Or diarrhea. Or both.
You need water. Like, more water than Lake Bemidji. But not just any water — you also need some electrolytes because your body's drier than the “fresh” chicken at a chain. Grab:
Stay clear of the coffee, energy drinks, and caffeinated sodas first thing since they'll likely leave you more dehydrated.
We get it. When your stomach is roilin' and rollin', even the thought of food can be hard to, well, stomach. But never underestimate the power of protein and carbs. They're your friend rn, friend. A bangin' breakfast from Red Stu hits different when you're hanging. Think:
You're not limited to breakfast, though. Venture out to Bar 209 after 11 a.m. for fare like:
Hanging has a way of making ya feel like ya just pulled a double at the gym. A shower will clean you up — especially if you spent time with your head over the john — and can also relieve some symptoms. Warm water melts tension in your muscles and improves circulation, while cool showers can make you feel less sluggish and wipe the cobwebs out of your brain. Plus, ya probs smell like stale alcohol and regret rn.
Listen up — science is trying to save your sorry ass from yourself in the future. Smart folks at ETH Zurich are working on a hangover gel that breaks down alcohol in the digestive tract before it can damage your liver (and your self-respect). While it's not yet ready for human testing, it's lowkey worth keeping an eye on.
And speaking of modern solutions for when you're down catastrophically bad, mobile IV services are popular in searches for how to get rid of hangover headaches fast. These services roll up to wherever you're dying and have licensed medical pros hook you up to magical concoctions with:
Fair warning, though. These sometimes come with a price tag that can make you cry harder than when you were drunk-texting your ex at 2 a.m.
Here's what not to consider when you're trying to figure out how to get rid of that hangover fast.
Steer clear of quick hangover remedies like strenuous physical exercise and medicine cabinet roulette. Vigorous exercise makes ya sweat, depleting even more of the hydration your body needs. Your six-pack can wait. Keep in shape with light lifting at Bar 209 instead. Cans and glasses both work to keep those biceps active.
And, no poppin' rando pills from the medicine cabinet like they're Happy Hour specials . Same goes for sus packages from that convenience store cabinet full of pills guaranteeing rapid weight loss, stiffer stiffies, and other medical marvels — that's about as safe as eating three-day-old gas station sushi. The last thing your liver needs is more to detox, and the wrong combo could send ya straight to the ER (and possibly a psych eval).
A great night out can be the gift that keeps on giving beyond physical discomfort:
Pro tip: Silence your phone or turn off the notifications until you feel more like yourself. And remember, if anyone asks, you were helping a friend move last night.
Bar 209 is the ideal destination for hangover management. We've seen it all. Hell, we've been there too. There's no judgment here — just a dark, inviting atmosphere, strong drinks, and tasty food with just the right amount of grease to help get rid of a hangover quick. We don't even care if you wanna keep your sunglasses on.
Hit up the breakfast bar at Red Stu between 8 a.m. and 1 p.m. daily (except Tuesdays and Wednesdays), or recover sooner at Bar 209, open daily from 11 a.m. Happy Hour starts at 2:09, with half-priced appetizers and drinks to get ya on your way to recovery cheaper. Don't feel up to coming out? Get the grub ya need by ordering online for delivery.
