Ah, fall. The leaves are vibrant, the air is crisp, and it suddenly smells like you're about to spend a lot of money on the holidays. Of course, the Vikings are gearing up to lose in the Playoffs again. All of this means it's time to clear out the garage and get ready to rally the troops for the upcoming season.
For many of us, fall is football. Fall is burgers sizzling on your dirty grill while everyone laughs about something that happened decades ago in high school. Fall is beer that's so cold your fingers go numb holding it. Most importantly, fall is loud, messy tailgates. There's nothing like good food, great friends, and freezing outside the stadium.
But if you don't have the right setup, you'll be remembered as the guy who showed up with warm beer and stale chips. If you want to avoid fumbling the next tailgate, don't worry. We're here to help you from looking like Gary Anderson on game day.
The list of football tailgate essentials starts with food. Football brings people together, but if there's no grub, your crowd will quickly “remember” that they actually had other obligations every Sunday for the rest of the season. A truly great tailgate feeds the masses, or at least encourages them to bring food themselves:
Eating your weight in burgers, chips, and chili will leave tailgaters thirsty. Suddenly, it's the end of the first quarter, and everyone's trying to talk to each other through their scratchy throats. The cold, dry air whips through the group, stealing warmth and cracking lips. A child wanders across the barren parking lot like a ghostly tumbleweed, desperate for a tiny, boxed apple juice. Grandpa Joe is slumped over in a folding chair. You ask him what's wrong. He tries to beg for a drop of bottom-shelf whisky, but there is none to be found. How could you let this happen?
Please, think of your family, think of your friends. The people demand refreshment, and you must appease the mob before they topple your tailgate throne. You can serve alcohol or pop — just bring something to wash down the food. It doesn't have to be complicated, but we've spelled it out for you anyway:
Even with food and drinks, your tailgate still isn't out of the danger zone. You can have all the beer in the world, but if you don't bring the right gear, your pregame is a bunch of people standing out in the cold, eating out of the same bag of chips. Tailgate gear is the ball boy, the medical staff, and the crowd cheering the players on. Your players cannot eat 10 hot dogs in a row without support.
First on your gear list is coolers and ice packs. These are the unsung heroes of every tailgate. We must protect the beer from ever becoming lukewarm. Buy ice and ensure everyone has something cold to wash down the food. Tailgate captains, you have to remember the gas or charcoal for the grill. This can't be the third tailgate in a row where you bring the grill and have nothing to start it up with.
Other essentials include:
Remember, you're there to hang out and have fun. No one wants to go home and scrub dishes when your team has just won the game. Assign different people to bring some gear, so everyone contributes a little.
The food and drinks get people to show up, but the atmosphere is what keeps them hanging around long after kickoff. Your personality is only so interesting, which means you have to beef up your tailgate game to hide your shortcomings. Don't you dare forget the following:
Look, we get it. You really, really want to stand in the cold and watch your team lose from outside the stadium. While doing that once or twice is fun, let's face it, you're getting old and your knees aren't what they used to be.
Instead of juggling all the food and tailgate gear, why not make football fun again? You want to relax and let off steam, so bring the crew inside to Bar 209 and actually enjoy game day. We have better food and drinks (hello Magnum-size beers) than the amateurs at your tailgate, and you don't have to worry about cleaning up. We're loaded up on all the wings, burgers, and pizza you could want.
Plus, unlike the "Grillmaster" who keeps burning the burgers because they're always distracted, we're paid to make the food good every time. Stop by during Happy Hour for half-priced apps and drinks Monday through Friday from 2:09 to 5 p.m. to blow off some steam.
Football is all about friends and community. Bar 209 is as Bemidji as Babe the Blue Ox, and we actually care about good service. Support a local space and stop going to Applebee's every weekend. It's always boring, and you're just eating there because you've forgotten how to make life exciting. Change up the routine for once, and you'll finally feel alive again.
At the end of the day, do you really want to risk messing up the food or throwing a boring tailgate? No, that would be humiliating. People would talk about it for years, saying, “It's just a joke, why are you taking it so seriously?” But we know they mean it.
Tailgaters want to scream at a ref who definitely hates only their team and eat while they do it. Keep the setup simple and the drinks flowing, and you're sure to enjoy the game. Remember, nobody's ever said, "That tailgate had too much food and the seats were too comfortable. Let's not go back."
Skip the stress and enjoy the ultimate game day setup when you head to Bar 209 next Sunday. We've got the scratch-made food, cold drinks, and some pretty decent TVs. We promise not to make you wash your own dishes.
